BURKETON — Let's get the big news out of the way, because the front office won't shut up about it: Chad hit a home run. His first of the season. Four hits in four at-bats, one of them over the fence, and the way the Beavers bench carried on you'd think the man had cured something.

He didn't. He hit a wiffle ball in a backyard in late September against the Courtice Cows, which is roughly the athletic equivalent of beating a screen door in a wrestling match.

Final score 8-5 Beavers, and the Cows were finished before anyone found a lawn chair. Four Beaver runs in the first, four more in the second, and that was the ballgame — Burketon's entire offensive output arrived before the dew burned off. Beau: three hits, a homer. Justin: three hits, a homer. Chad: the aforementioned four-for-four. Twelve combined hits and three home runs from three hitters. At some point that stops being hot and starts being a zoning violation.

"We were locked in from the first pitch," said Justin, who struck out and therefore was not locked in from every pitch.

The Cows, meanwhile, continue to be the most heartbreaking collection of individual competence in the league. Lee went four-for-five. Derek had two hits in six trips. John also had two hits in six trips and struck out three times, which is a full third of his plate appearances spent walking back to the bench thinking about his choices. Courtice put up three in the first and two in the third and lost by three, which is what happens when you spot a team eight runs and hope the weather turns.

"We just need one clean inning early and this is a different game," said Derek, who had already played a first inning in which his team scored three runs.

Courtice is 1-3 now, alone in the basement with the Turkeys, a team they beat by two earlier the same day. Burketon is 3-1 on a two-game heater and tied with the Donkeys, who once shut the Beavers out 4-0 and will presumably mention it.

Chad got his homer. Everybody clapped. The standings didn't care.