There is a theory circulating around Tyrone that the Turkeys are "close." They are not close. They are 1-5, they have lost four straight, and on Wednesday they spotted the Burketon Beavers eight runs before deciding that offense was a thing other teams did.

Final: Beavers 8, Turkeys 2. The Beavers scored four in the first, four in the second, and then spent the third inning presumably checking their phones.

Chad went 6-for-7 with the game's only home run and did not strike out, which is remarkable for a man who spent the evening narrating the condition of his eyewear to anyone within earshot. Beau also went 6-for-7. RyanP went 4-for-7. That is 16 hits from three men. The Turkeys' pitching staff did not so much get beaten as get processed.

"We just stuck to our approach and took what they gave us," said Chad, who was given everything and took it anyway, and whose actual approach appeared to be swinging at every pitch through a pair of fogged lenses.

Credit where it's owed, and I hate owing it: Dan went 3-for-5 and Bergman went 3-for-5, which accounted for six of Tyrone's seven hits. Bergman made his long-awaited, heavily-trailered debut on a diseased foot and still out-hit the entire Turkeys lineup not named Dan. Kevin went 1-for-6 with four strikeouts. Four. In a league where the ball is plastic and the pitcher is a machine forty feet away.

"We never stopped believing in there," said Dan, who stopped believing somewhere around the second batter of the first inning, as did everyone else in the yard.

The two runs in the third were nice. They arrived the way a tow truck arrives — technically helpful, far too late, and faintly humiliating.

The Beavers are 4-2 and still chasing the 5-1 Donkeys, who beat these same Turkeys 6-0 earlier in the day and 14-1 last week. Tyrone has now been outscored by the Donkeys 20-1 this season.

The Turkeys will tell you they're building something. They're building a fence. Everyone keeps hitting it over.