The Courtice Cows beat the Tyrone Turkeys 8-6 on Wednesday, which the standings will record as a Cows win and which I will record as the night I watched a grown man hold a bat with one hand and make it look easy for everyone else's self-esteem.

Lee went 4-for-4 with three home runs. One hand. Three home runs. I asked why the other hand was unavailable and received an answer involving "feel," which is the sort of word men use in a backyard when they don't want to admit they are old and injured.

Derek also went 4-for-4, with a home run of his own, and somehow managed to be the second-most discussed hitter on his own team.

"We executed our approach in all four at-bats," said Derek, who was in fact asked whether anyone had a beverage and said he thought they were in the pool shed.

The Cows put up four in the first and four in the second and then simply stopped scoring, which around here passes for mercy.

The Turkeys, to their credit, kept swinging. They scored four in the second and two in the third and lost anyway, 8-6, which is the Turkeys season in a single line score. They are 2-6. They beat the Beavers 7-5 later in the night, so technically they are on a winning streak, a phrase that was used out loud, by a person, unironically.

Bergman went 1-for-5, and the one was his first career home run. There was a lap. There was pointing. There was a moment where he looked toward the red muskoka chairs for acknowledgment and got a wave from some kid holding a juice box in each hand.

"I've been working on staying inside the ball all season," said Bergman, who wanted me to go get the home run ball to show people in the staff room at work tomorrow. (Bergman and I work together.)

Dan went 2-for-2 and then left after the first inning with a leg injury sustained during a sport played with a plastic bat. He did not stretch. He is in his forties. He will tell you it was the uneven grass.

Cows 8, Turkeys 6. Everyone lived, mostly.