Congratulations, Courtice. You are the third-best team in a four-team league. Frame it. Hang it over the mantle. Tell the grandkids about the night you beat Tyrone 7-0 to secure the bronze in a field where bronze means "better than the Turkeys," a bar currently lying flat on the lawn.

The Cows scored four in the first and three in the second and then, having exhausted their appetite for drama, scored nothing at all over the back half. It didn't matter. John threw the first playoff shutout in league history and hit the first home run of his career in the same evening, which is either a career arc or a scorers error. He went 3-for-7. Derek went 4-for-6 with two homers. Lee went 5-for-6 with one, because apparently the Turkeys' pitching staff was handing out samples.

"We stuck to the approach and let the game come to us," said Lee, who said no such thing and in fact swung at everything that moved, including a moth.

As for Tyrone, Kevin was magnificent and entirely alone — 5-for-6, and zero teammates willing to join him. Dean went 0-for-7. Bergman went 2-for-6 with two punchouts. That is the whole Turkey season in one line: one guy raking, two guys auditioning for a seat in the lawn chairs.

"Kevin carried us and the rest of us have to be better," said Bergman, who did not say that, and who has never in his life credited another human being with anything.

The Turkeys finish 2-6. They lost 2-1 to the Donkeys earlier the same day, which at least had the decency to be close. This one had the decency of a tax audit.

Four innings. Final score 7-0. The grass was damp and nobody stayed long afterward.

So the Cows take third, a distinction that exists purely so the league can hand something to somebody. The Donkeys went 7-1 and are off doing Donkey things. Everybody else is now free to rake leaves.